The Cleanse: Day Four
No vicious headaches to report today. I'm not sure if this is because I'm "over the hump" with withdrawals from coffee and sugar, or if it's because of my hearty lunch of root vegetables today, as opposed to salad and stir-fry leftovers the past two days. Either way, I'm relieved.
While talking with a friend earlier, I noted how surprised I was that I hadn't been overtaken with compulsive thoughts about eating since starting this cleanse, particularly non-healthy foods. Interestingly, as soon as I got home, I immediately had the thought of calling this off. Or at least jumping off the program for a time-out. I'm also now recalling that I had a dream last night about being in a store with someone, and picking up a bunch of candy bars to binge on later, then feeling too embarrassed to purchase them in front of whoever I was with. In the dream, I attempted to hide them in some other item I was buying, but then decided the risk of being caught shoplifting was way worse than the embarrassment of buying all the candy bars. I don't remember the ending of that segment of the dream now, but I think it's safe to say that my internal resistance, my habitualized behavior patterns are starting to feel a little threatened.
I think the other nudge today that made me consider "cheating" on the program was that my boss basically made me take the day off from work tomorrow. Now, if you read my earlier post, you might think this is a very good thing. While it will be a relief to be away from the extra stress, going to work also provides a structure where I have to concentrate on other things, and the thought of 3 days of me, myself and I had me a little worried. I think the anxiety of that has passed now, and I'm shifting more into a space of gratitude and wonder at what my day off will bring tomorrow. Perhaps I'll finally go visit the new library downtown, or wander though the Pike Place Market leisurely. Ah, the possibilities. One thing for sure: it'll be a day at Rhoda's pace! Did I mention I'm a Taurus-Moon?
While talking with a friend earlier, I noted how surprised I was that I hadn't been overtaken with compulsive thoughts about eating since starting this cleanse, particularly non-healthy foods. Interestingly, as soon as I got home, I immediately had the thought of calling this off. Or at least jumping off the program for a time-out. I'm also now recalling that I had a dream last night about being in a store with someone, and picking up a bunch of candy bars to binge on later, then feeling too embarrassed to purchase them in front of whoever I was with. In the dream, I attempted to hide them in some other item I was buying, but then decided the risk of being caught shoplifting was way worse than the embarrassment of buying all the candy bars. I don't remember the ending of that segment of the dream now, but I think it's safe to say that my internal resistance, my habitualized behavior patterns are starting to feel a little threatened.
I think the other nudge today that made me consider "cheating" on the program was that my boss basically made me take the day off from work tomorrow. Now, if you read my earlier post, you might think this is a very good thing. While it will be a relief to be away from the extra stress, going to work also provides a structure where I have to concentrate on other things, and the thought of 3 days of me, myself and I had me a little worried. I think the anxiety of that has passed now, and I'm shifting more into a space of gratitude and wonder at what my day off will bring tomorrow. Perhaps I'll finally go visit the new library downtown, or wander though the Pike Place Market leisurely. Ah, the possibilities. One thing for sure: it'll be a day at Rhoda's pace! Did I mention I'm a Taurus-Moon?
posted by Rhoda Harley at Thursday, June 02, 2005
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